MKMMA Week 22A – Foreshadowing
This week, spending a day in silence, I was taken back to many events in my life as the rain fell softly and steadily out my window.
The silence was so pure. It was magic!
There have been so many parts of myself that I have rediscovered during this MKMMA journey. Where did I go?
Music has a huge impact on me. I get lost in the melody and the words. Songs and musicians I once loved and forgot about, like Leonard Cohen, have been rediscovered. His haunting gravelly voice and lyrics play in the background to help percolate words as I write this blog.
So many events of my life somehow got lost in the blur; the blur that is that dash between the date I was born and the date I will die. Books and authors I once loved and then forgot about in the blur, are being revived in my soul for they are a part of my core, my essential need.
Once upon a time, I was a college student majoring in English Literature/Writing and I was introduced to Emerson. His writings pierced my heart then. His writings pierce my heart now. I could have been piercing my heart all these years with the emotion and the feeling. Instead, I allowed myself to become numb.
“To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, — that is genius.” ~ Emerson
After my silence I found myself pulling college texts covered with dust off of shelves to find things that served, without my knowledge with the first passing through my life, as foreshadowing. I had to go there. It was a part of my personal journey. The foreshadowing had been written into the script………so many moons ago.
With all three of my sons I recognized considerable foreshadowing in what they currently do and the things they were drawn to as they were growing. I was watching their movies unfold.
It wasn’t until just recently that I began learning from every moment in my own past…..and I mean every brutal moment. Now, many seeds planted in my past have begun to rise up and grow leaves.
The DMP I wrote 6 months ago was written by my old self. I’m an entirely different person now. I now know I deserve those things I didn’t feel deserving of before.
Mark has called this journey a “Push-Pull-athon.” That relationship that we have with ourselves, that we swear is over, only to find ourselves in a “push-pull-athon” for a couple weeks or months.
For several weeks prior to this my sits have been very distracted. In fact, my whole being has been distracted! My day of silence helped me get back on track.